*Calls Customer service real quick*

“Hi, I’d like a refund please. This is not what I ordered.”

I came home with a few clothes, and only March and April reads, expecting that all of this would be over in a rather short time. The day it dawned on me how serious this is, was the day I realized that I am in Port-Harcourt, and I cannot eat bole* and fish with that glorious sauce. Is this how it ends?

(If you eat bole with groundnut, you’re a cultist. Block me now. Lmaooo, just kidding. *coughs* But block me tho. *coughs*)

• 

When we landed in Port Harcourt International Airport from Lagos in March, we were given forms to fill. I saw this, and I was impressed by how well this country was handling it – collecting personal details and travel history. Me and my impressiveness were soon disappointed. I saw that there were no designated places to return the forms after filling them. Nobody was enforcing that people filled the forms. Nothing. Just sharing forms, and after that, vibes.

After I saw that a few people had turned the forms to paper fans and fanned their way out of the airport, I confronted one of the officials that was in charge. I suggested that he assigned someone to make announcements, encouraging people to fill them honestly and telling them where to return them to after filling.

You know what this man told me? “You will make a good secretary.”

I didn’t even know how to feel. I just dropped mine and left.

It was my mum’s birthday, and the plan was to have a few guests over at home. I got there and saw canopies outside. Lol. I would have really loved to have enough mental space to plan for guests, but I didn’t get that luxury. What I did get though, is cake – lots of it *insert happy dance here*, and a new water bottle which was supposed to be part of the souvenirs for children. Well, guess who was busy trying to pick out the most suitable colour for her new water bottle… You guessed that right.

The next day was Sunday, and we had a mini thanksgiving service in church. This Sunday would now become the last day that I can be outside freely, because shit is about to get real. But no matter how real it gets, and if the world does come to an end, I’d be glad I got a new water bottle, and a chance to wear gele* in my adult life.

Socially-Distant Regards,

Alma